What is your Why? You hear people ask that all the time. I mean-what Does that even mean? My why. Isn’t simple? I am doing what I am because I want to-right? Again, this turns into a saga of me being wrong. So, So, wrong.
For years I’ve been asked to give my why for different things I did. Why do you want to stay home with your kids? Why are you choosing to home school. Why did you marry that man? Why do you want to lose weight? Why, Why, Why, Why, WHY?? I constantly was being asked why questions and honestly. I didn’t know! I just stared blankly at each person who asked and thought-well, isn’t me wanting it enough of a why? Why do I need a why? C’mon. That is dumb. It’s obvious why. I want to nurture my kids, I want to lose weight, I want to be with this person, so on and so on. But, I was left to wonder later-was it really that simple, or was I just being so simple to not think about it? Was there something about this “Why” thing. Did it really motivate the way people said it would if I could manage to figure it out?
I decided to find out for myself. It couldn’t be so hard after all. I searched and searched for months and I came up with-well-nothing. I mean, I said my kids, my husband, my health, but nothing really clicked with me yet or stuck. Those things are and were important to me, but I needed a wake up call. Something to jolt me into action.
In August of 2014 I decided to volunteer for the position of Mission and Advocacy Lead for our Local Relay for Life. Things began to click, I mean, my job was to tell people all about what the ACS does for people/patients and also about how to prevent Cancer and how to best care for ones self. I wasn’t quite in the place to do something about it, but the foundation was being laid. Just before Thanksgiving we lost my husbands grandfather. He was such a dear man, and though he died of age and went peacefully, it still hit hard. I decided at that point I wanted to live a long life he did and make the most of every moment-but I needed a change.
I wish I could say that it was that moment that I decided to pull out my workout dvds and get moving and eating right, but it wasn’t. We were in the midst of closing on our new home at this time and it was a long, dragged out time while we waited for the sellers, bankruptcy courts, and more decide that we could finally close on our home. This time was spent filling out paperwork and packing while we waited and it was BUSY! While I didn’t physically change anything in the back of my mind was the idea of eating better-but I didn’t know how. So instead, I ate less. I did successfully lose about 15 pounds in this time, and I am still proud of the loss, but it was not from a healthy lifestyle, but instead fatigue, stress, and a lack of food. It’s not that we didn’t have the food, it was that I wasn’t eating the food. I just told myself there was no time and went without.
By the time we closed on our house we were closing in on Christmas and it was less than a full week away. We rented a truck and I loaded it up and unloaded it and repeated that a few times. Now, you may think I had help, and boy do I wish I did, but my husband works at night and sleeps during day so he wasn’t available. When we weren’t moving boxes or packing up the truck, we had to stay at our old place to make sure our son still made it to school without driving an hour both directions to get him there, so there was no time to unpack a thing we brought into the house.
By the time we ended that week and started the next, I was driving an hour both ways to drive our son to school then worked on getting unpacked when we could-but we were already at Christmas Eve and we had a tree up and had just managed to secure some furniture just in time. (if you wonder where I am going with this, hang tight, it’s coming) Christmas was spent sick and just a short day later something happened that would entirely shake my world.
It didn’t take long to find out the news my grandmother had suffered a heart attack and was in the hospital and not responding. I felt like world had just stopped moving. I had planned to see her for Christmas and she waited for me-looked for me- and I wasn’t there. (we were sick, we couldn’t go, but I have to admit I still try to rationalize the fact I let her down…) She understood, I’m sure. She was the most loving woman in the world. She loved God most of all, she loved my Grandfather like no woman has ever loved a man, and she loved her family stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. She was a light to everyone who ever met her-and they knew she was the product of a loving God.
I was finally able to make it down December 29 once we were all better and it was safe to do so-and it wasn’t good. She was struggling and no one wanted to see her suffer. It was later that day when they took her off the ventilator and just a few short moments later she went peacefully to meet the Lord. Wracked with pain, grief, and guilt I left that day with my husband, children, and father and it felt like I was all alone. I so wanted to go back in time and hold her hand just one more time and shoot the wind about the kids and church. (heck-I still wish I could do that….)
The next week was a whirlwind of family coming to town and planning. The New Year came and went and while it was a new start, I felt like it was just another day. What did I have that I could do that would make the start of a year happy when in the back of our minds we were all thinking about Grandma and how wonderful she was and how blessed we were to know her in our lifetimes. I spent a lot of time thinking about the woman she was and the person I was and it really got me going deep within.
Her memorial service came and went and it was a day of stories, music, love… There was no doubt in the minds of anyone there that she was loved or that she was loving. Every story told pointed back to her love of God and family. Her love of life and her way of touching every life she came in contact with. I wanted (and want) that. I chose that day that I wanted to be more like her. Full of Christ love and a blessing to others around me.
I began to get back in God’s word and feeding my soul and one thing led to another and I began to feel I needed to do something for my health, because there is no way I could live a long, meaningful life if I continued down the road I was taking at that time. I was miserable. But not for long. It was at that moment my “why” became clear. I was made with purpose and it was to help others and to serve. The most important and best thing I could do to do that was to take care of myself and to treasure the temple of God. So-I pulled out my Insanity Dvds and got at it. I didn’t share at first. I was embarrassed. I was the biggest I’ve ever been, and it was humiliating. I hated going out because of it.
I was a few weeks in when I again quit-but within a day a family member added me to her fitness group on Facebook. That was enough for me to get in it again. I started to do it, then I started taking pictures and really sharing what I was doing. I got involved in a 5 Day Clean Eating Group and I really started to get the hang of eating well and working out. I added in a gallon or more of water a day and the weight started to really come off. In a month I lost 15 pounds and 3 inches off my waist. I have since gone on a few weeks but ended up down due to a foot issue (non related) and am just getting back in. I have wanted to give in a few times-but that WHY that PURPOSE to get fit and better my life so I can better the lives of others has pushed me on. I am so excited to get back into it tonight and keep moving.
The whole point of this whole post is this. You can have a million REASONS to do something, but if you don’t have a WHY (or a couple even-but one MAIN why) you won’t have a real purpose in what you are doing. You won’t have a cement reason to keep moving to keep pushing toward your goal. There is no reason bigger than your WHY. My deep down why is I want to live a long, healthy, meaningful life and help others do the same. I want to be like my Grandmother. I want to beat the odds of getting a life altering disease like Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Disease. I want to live a PURPOSEFUL life. Dig deep and find your why. Why do you want to get fit and healthy? Why do you want to move up in your job/find a new job/start your own business? Why do you keep going even when you want to give up? That tiny three letter word has HUGE implications and can be the difference between giving up what it is you are doing or pressing toward the prize. I urge you-FIND YOUR WHY!
What reason do you have to do things in life? What is your WHY? Share in the comments below and tell me what you think. I always love hearing from you!
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